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Executive Order Establishing the Paranormal Intelligence Agency


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Ulysses S. Grant

XVIII President 1869–1877

Executive Order

October 31, 1870

Establishing the Paranormal Intelligence Agency

By authority invested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered as follows:

Section 1. Establishment. I hereby establish within the Department of Justice a Paranormal Intelligence Agency to be headed by the director who will report to the attorney general and to the President.

Section 2. Mission. The mission of the Paranormal Intelligence Agency shall be to develop and coordinate the implementation of a comprehensive strategy to secure the United States from hostile threats or attacks of a paranormal nature. The Agency shall perform the functions necessary to carry out this mission, including the functions specified in section 3 of this order.

Section 3. Functions. The functions of the Paranormal Intelligence Agency shall be to coordinate the executive branch’s efforts to detect, prepare for, prevent, protect against, respond to and recover from paranormal attacks or threats within the United States.

(a) National Strategy. The Paranormal Intelligence Agency shall work with executive departments and agencies, State and local governments and private entities to ensure the adequacy of the national strategy for detecting, preparing for, preventing, protecting against, responding to and recovering from paranormal attacks or threats within the United States and shall periodically review and coordinate revisions to that strategy as necessary.

(b) Detection. The Paranormal Intelligence Agency shall identify priorities and coordinate efforts for collection and analysis of information within the United States regarding threats of a paranormal nature against the United States and activities of those engaging in paranormal phenomena within the United States. The Agency shall identify, in coordination with agencies that have intelligence collection responsibilities, priorities for collection of paranormal intelligence outside the United States regarding threats of paranormal hostility within the United States.

(i) in performing these functions, the Paranormal Intelligence Agency shall work with Federal, State and local agencies, as appropriate, to:

(A) facilitate collection from state and local governments and private entities of information pertaining to hostile paranormal threats or activities within the United States;

(B) Coordinate and prioritize the requirements for foreign intelligence relating to hostile paranormal activity within the United States of executive departments and agencies responsible for the security of the nation and provide these requirements and priorities to the Department of Justice and other agencies responsible for collection of intelligence;

(C) Coordinate efforts to ensure that all executive departments and agencies that have intelligence collection responsibilities have sufficient resources and capabilities to collects intelligence and data relating to hostile paranormal activities or possible hostile paranormal acts within the United States, working with the
appropriate agencies

(D) Coordinate development of monitoring protocols and equipment for use in detecting paranormal phenomena; and

(E) Ensure that, to the extent permitted by law, all appropriate and necessary intelligence and law enforcement information relating to paranormal phenomena is disseminated to and exchanged among appropriate departments and agencies responsible for national security and, where appropriate for reasons for national security, promote exchange of information among State and local governments and private entities.

(ii) Executive departments and agencies shall, to the extent permitted by law, make available to the Paranormal Intelligence Agency all information relating to hostile paranormal phenomena and activities within the United States.

(C). Preparedness. The Paranormal Intelligence Agency shall coordinate national efforts to prepare for and mitigate the consequences of hostile paranormal threats or attacks within the United States. In performing this function, the Paranormal Intelligence Agency shall work with Federal, State and local agencies, and private entities, as appropriate, to:

(i) Review and assess the adequacy of the portions of all Federal emergency response plans that pertain to paranormal threats or attacks within the United States;

(ii) Coordinate programs and activities for training Federal, State and local employees who would be called upon to respond to such a paranormal threat or attack;

(iii) Coordinate national efforts to ensure public health preparedness for a paranormal attack or threat, including reviewing policies and the adequacy of pharmaceutical stockpiles and hospital capacity;

(iv) Coordinate Federal assistance to State and local authorities and non-governmental agencies to prepare for and respond to paranormal threats or attacks within the Untied States;

(v) Ensure that national preparedness programs and activities for paranormal threats or attacks are developed and are regularly evaluated under appropriate standards and that the resources are allocated to improving and sustaining preparedness based on such evaluations; and

(D) Prevention. The Paranormal Intelligence Agency shall coordinate efforts to prevent paranormal attacks within the United States. In performing this function, the Agency shall work with Federal, State and local agencies and private entities, as appropriate, to:

(i) Facilitate the exchange of information among such agencies relating to paranormal phenomena

(ii) Coordinate efforts to investigate paranormal threats or attacks within the United States; and

(iii) Improve the security of the United States, territorial waters and airspace in order to prevent paranormal threats or attacks within the United States, working with national security agencies

(E) Protection. The Paranormal Intelligence Agency shall coordinate efforts to protect the United States and its critical infrastructure from the consequences of paranormal threats or attacks. In performing this function, the Agency shall work with Federal, State and local agencies and private entities, as appropriate, to:

(i) Coordinate efforts to protect critical public and privately owned information systems within the United States from paranormal attack;

(ii) Strengthen measures for protecting critical infrastructure and facilities within the United States from paranormal attack;

(iii) Develop criteria for reviewing whether appropriate security measures are in place at major public and privately owned facilities within the United States;

(iv) Coordinate efforts to protect United States livestock, agriculture and systems for the provision of food and water for human use and consumption from paranormal attack; and

(v) Coordinate efforts to prevent unauthorized access to, development of and unlawful importation into the United States of paranormal phenomena that have the potential to be used in paranormal attacks.

(F) Response and Recovery. The Paranormal Intelligence Agency shall coordinate efforts to respond to and promote recovery from paranormal threats or attacks within the United States. In performing this function, the Agency shall work with Federal, State and local agencies and private entities, as appropriate, to:

(i) Coordinate efforts to ensure rapid restoration of critical infrastructure facilities after disruption by a paranormal threat or attack;

(ii) Coordinate efforts to ensure rapid restoration of public and private critical information systems after disruption by a paranormal threat or attack;

(iii) Work with economic agencies to coordinate efforts to stabilize United States financial markets after a paranormal threat or attack;

(iv) Coordinate Federal plans and programs to provide medical, financial and other assistance to victims of paranormal attacks and their families; and

(v) Coordinate efforts to contain paranormal threats or attacks and coordinate efforts to mitigate the effects of such an attack.

(G) Incident Management. National Security agencies shall be the primary agencies responsible for coordinating the domestic response efforts of all departments and agencies in the event of an imminent paranormal attack and during the immediate aftermath of a paranormal attack within the United States.

(H) Continuity of Government. National Security Agencies shall review plans and preparations for ensuring the continuity of the Federal Government in the event of a paranormal attack that threatens the safety and security of the United States Government or its leadership.

(I) The Paranormal Intelligence Agency shall coordinate the strategy of the executive branch for communicating with the public in the event of a paranormal threat or attack within the United States.

(k)  Review of Legal Authorities and Development of Legislative Proposals.  The Agency shall coordinate a periodic review and assessment of the legal authorities available to executive departments and agencies to permit them to perform the functions described in this order.  When the Agency determines that such legal authorities are inadequate, the Agency shall develop, in consultation with executive departments and agencies, proposals for presidential action and legislative proposals for submission to enhance the ability of executive departments and agencies to perform those functions.  The Agency shall work with State and local governments in assessing the adequacy of their legal authorities to permit them to detect, prepare for, prevent, protect against, and recover from paranormal threats and attacks.

Section 4. Administration.

(a) The Department of Justice within the Executive Office of the President shall provide the Paranormal Intelligence Agency with such personnel, funding and administrative support, to the extent permitted by law and subject to the availability of appropriations.

Section 5. Original Classification Authority. I hereby delegate the authority to classify information as Top Secret, in accordance with this Executive Order or any successor Executive Order.

Ulysses S. Grant

The White House

October 31, 1870

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